SATIRE: Ouachita River bridge slated for site of Arkansas casino


Editor’s note: This article was part of our annual April Fools’ Day satirical news. It is not factual, and was written in good fun. If you can take a joke, proceed with that in mind; if not, we invite you to read any and all of the thousands of factual articles that have been published to this website since 2021.

By ACE MAVERICK | Clark County Constitutional

ARKADELPHIA, Arkansas — The old Highway 7/51 bridge over the Ouachita River, for years just sitting there since a new one was built to its south, will breathe new life soon as city leaders unveiled plans on April 1, 2025, to transform the platform into a covered casino.

The Arkadelphia City Board of Directors and Clark County Quorum Court held an emergency, joint meeting at which leaders approved a legalized casino.

Twin Rivers Architecture was contracted to draw up blueprints for the casino’s layout. A preliminary design by Halff Associates — the firm responsible for a digital rendering of the city’s future MLK Park — shows that the bridge will be covered entirely by darkly tinted windows that promise gamblers a commanding view of the caramel-colored river as they try their luck at blackjack and slot machines. The paved floor will be carpeted using materials from the recently razed Central Primary School building. In order to keep patrons glued to gambling tables, guests will be treated to special candy sourced a few years ago from Henderson State University’s chemistry lab.

From a review of emails sent back and forth between board members and justices of the peace, obtained through the auspices of the Arkansas Freedom of Information Act, the Clark County Constitutional learned that city and county officials had been conversing for months about negotiations to lure corporate leaders from the Hard Rock chain of hotels and casinos.

All indications from the joint meeting point to an affirmative decision by Hard Rock to invest some $40 million into the project, which is said to wrap up before this year’s Battle of the Ravine football matchup between the Reddies and Tigers.

With the tireless help of City Attorney Ed McCorkle and County Attorney Todd Turner, local leaders reportedly found a loophole in Arkansas’s confounded law regarding the number of casino licenses allowed in the state. Now that Russellville seemingly shot itself in the foot over a proposed casino, Arkadelphia is now poised to punch the golden ticket and become a hotspot for tourism.

City Manager Gary Brinkley said he was only thankful that former mayor James Calhoun had the foresight to voice his desire to keep the bridge for a park rather than destroy it when the Arkansas Department of Transportation was in the beginning phases of erecting a new bridge.

“I’m pretty sure this is exactly what Mr. Calhoun had in mind,” Brinkley said of the late Baptist pastor. “Rather than let the thing crumble like it has been since I became city manager, James wanted to see the old bridge used as a place for people to gather and fellowship — the Ouachita Casino will certainly live up to his expectations.”

Mayor Scott Byrd chimed in to add: “James had a vision that this old bridge would be a gathering place, where citizens could take an afternoon stroll and food vendors could set up stands to sell hot dogs. This casino will be a modernized version of his idea — with leadership like myself, Gary [Brinkley], Assistant Mayor [Roland] Gosey and [county] Judge [Troy] Tucker at the helm of this river casino, it’s definitely going to be a sausage party.”


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