By JOEL PHELPS | arkadelphian.com
A press release landed in my inbox recently. It came from the Clark County Republican Committee. Let’s read it together, shall we?
We are hosting U.S. Speaker of the House Mike Johnson as keynote speaker for our 2024 Lincoln Day Dinner …
I’m just a local news man. I don’t keep up with national politics, just the local stuff.
“Google, who is the Speaker of the House?”
Mike Johnson. Good to know.
… at Henderson State University’s Garrison Center.
Oh, boy! What should I wear? Probably that fancy suit from Dillard’s and those expensive dress shoes. After all, it’s not every day you get the privilege to see such an important official from our nation’s capital. What was his name again? Oh, yeah: Mike. Mike who? Mike Jones? Probably should Google ‘Speaker of the House’ again.
Special guests Gov. Sarah Sanders and Congressman Bruce Western will also be in attendance.
Whoa — I’ll definitely be wearing that fancy suit. I can’t wait to take selfies with all these important people. I haven’t had the honor yet to meet Sarah. I’ve met Mike Beebe and Asa, just not her.
Initially, this event was offered to our members and supporters of our Party. Without additional promotion, we have sold out the main ballroom.
The Speaker of the House must be a popular guy. What was his name again? Oh, yeah: Mike something. He’s from Shreveport, which is just down the road from here. Must be one of those Southern gentlemen — impossible to dislike. Probably why he’s a politician. Maybe that’s why the event is sold out.
This event will be closed to the press.
So much for wearing that fancy suit.
This Mike guy must have something against me. What did I do to him?
“Google, Why doesn’t Mike Johnson want reporters around to hear his speeches?”
[Google shows several news articles about Mike Johnson keeping reporters from hearing his speeches]
MSN reports that he spoke recently to supporters in Conway, Arkansas. What was on his mind that he didn’t want to share with the press? Oh … I see.
This Mike guy thinks he’s Moses reincarnated.
Not sure if that’s concerning to many people. Probably not. After all, he’s one of America’s top legislative officials. It’s common these days for our nation’s leaders to be delusional. The Democrats have that Biden guy. Suppose the Republicans couldn’t be outdone, so they recruited Moses Mike Johnson.
He sure doesn’t look like the Moses depicted throughout the ages. Where’s the long, flowing beard and hair? He looks more like he could be Mike Ross’ older brother. I wonder if he’ll carry a staff. Maybe he’ll part DeGray Lake on his way to town. Could he be reading his speech from a set of stone tablets? If I did show up, would he see my sins and order my peers to slay me in the presence of the Falcon lectern? Will Sarah bring the lectern for him to bless?
Gee, I hope this doesn’t spoil his keynote speech.
Too bad we won’t be there to know.
Joel Phelps is publisher and editor of arkadelphian.com. Advertisements have been disabled for this commentary.
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