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By NOAH VALE | Clark County Constitutional
Clark County Judge Troy Tucker on April 1 signed an executive order officially renaming DeGray Lake to the Lake of Arkadelphia.
“I’ve always thought the lake plays a pivotal role in the economic prosperity of Arkadelphia and surrounding communities,” Tucker said from the courthouse. “The Lake will continue to play a pivotal role in shaping Arkadelphia’s future and the local economy, and in recognition of this flourishing economic resource and its critical importance to our local economy and its people, I am directing that it officially be renamed the Lake of Arkadelphia,” his order said.
Since Tucker’s order was made official Tuesday morning, Google Maps has observed the name change, although the decision was met with resistance from residents of Caddo Valley and Bismarck.
Tucker said his next order of business will be annexing Hot Spring County to the north, as well as some godforsaken island that’s “as cold as s–t”.
Clark County Reptilian Party vows to ‘Make Arkadelphia Great Again’
A continued vote for candidates filing with the Clark County Reptilian Party will guarantee, among other things of nostalgic desires, the return of a bowling alley, movie cinema and a Shoney’s restaurant, the party said in a press release dated April 1, 2025.
“To line our party values with those of our nation’s leaders, we decided this morning to adopt a fresh, unique slogan to Make Arkadelphia Great Again,” said party chairman Eddie Arnold. “With the guidance of our party, citizens of Clark County will once again have local entertainment options like bowling, movies, mini-golf and go-carts. Heck, we’ll even bring back the batting cages!”
Arnold added that party leaders will see to it that Walmart returns to its 24-hour operation, and might even find an interested buyer to rebuild the Western Sizzlin restaurant “if those Okies don’t hurry up and build that ice cream shop.”
Other restaurants rumored to make a return to the Arkadelphia area are Bowen’s, Dairy Queen and Arby’s — if the Reptilian Party maintains a stronghold on the Clark County Quorum Court.
The party also vowed to build a wall along the southern border of Arkadelphia to keep “ne’er-do-wellers” out of the city, and promised to deport any Gurdon folks back home if they won’t go willingly.
With voters’ continued support in the next several elections, the Reptilian Party pledged to lobby for state legislation that would expand the Arkadelphia Bypass to connect Hot Springs via a $30 billion tunnel that runs 32 miles beneath the Lake of Arkadelphia, making it the longest underwater tunnel in the world — slightly longer than the Channel Tunnel in Europe. Because the Lake of Arkadelphia (formerly DeGray Lake) only spans 27 miles in length, the Arkadelphia Tunnel will be designed — just like Scenic Highway 7 — to include several dizzying and dangerous “S” curves in order to add the length required to break the record currently held by “those dumb Europeans.”
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