Ozzy sez: De new bridge shucks!

By OZZY | Copy Editor

I wasch schuper exschited a few dayzsh ago when my Diddy told me day fixed de bridge by de new Barkadelphee Dawg Park. I had not been dare schince day tore it down.

I’m a young puppy dawg wif lotsha energy scho I need all de exershize I can get. I ruvv to take my people on walksch on Feaschter Trail when isch not too hot or code outschide.

But it wasch scho shcary to crosch de people bridge causch all doze holes in it. My Diddy callsch it a catwalk, but I ain’t never scheen no stupid catsch crosch dat bridge, scho I don’t know why he call it dat.

Plusch, it wasch downright embarrasching when my Diddy picked me up to carry me acrossch dat bridge — I hope no udder dawgs wasch wasching!

Causch I’m de copy editor of disch webschite, I reads all de schtuff my Diddy writes afore he cwicks pubwisch. I wasch eschtatic when I wed way back in Apwil lascht year dat de Schity of Arkadelphee was gonna “be wooking in to changing the schurfish of de bridge to feature a more ‘paw-fwindly’ walkway.”

HERESCH DAT SCHTORY: City, Henderson strike deal on dog park land

And din, disch year, day went and knocked out dat bridge becausch of a bad headwall … whatever dat isch. Excschept fur all de conschtruction noische, it was schuper quiet here causch all doze peoples had to fine annuvver way to crossch Mill Creek instead of going up and down Martindale Hill. It wasch like dat for bout two munch — dat’s 14 munch in doggy years!

When my Diddy hurd all de ruckusch schtop at de bridge, he put a weash on my collar and I walked him down Martindale Hill to schee what all de fusch wasch about.

De new bridge looksch really good, but doze people at de schity musta forgot what day sed about dat “paw-fwindly” walkway. Isch da schame damn catwalk dat wasch der before! (I schlipped in a bad woyd causch I’m de lascht one to read disch a-fore it gitsch pubwished. Don’t tell Diddy!)

Dat catwalk schtill hasch hoze all in it, and dare’s no way I can crossch unlessch my Diddy carriesch me. I don’t like disch at all! I’m a widdle-biddy dawg, but doze hoze are too big even for a big dawg. Schumbody gotsch schum schplainin’ to do.

When I schee dat schity manager, I’m gonna have a bone to pick wif him.

Maybe he’ll have a bone for me, too.

Editor’s note: Ozzy the Chocolate Chihuahua is the mascot and unofficial copy editor for arkadelphian.com. This was his first attempt at writing a column. Let him know what you think by emailing editor@arkadelphian.com. He gets paid in treats, but this one goes to the swear jar.