Editor’s note: This article was part of our annual April Fools’ Day satirical news. It is not factual, and was written in good fun. If you can appreciate a joke, proceed with that in mind; if not, we invite you to read any and all of the thousands of factual articles that have been published to this website since 2021.
By AL O’VERA | Clark County Constitutional
A group of contractors hired to move underground water and sewer utilities ahead of a major street widening project unearthed every secret local officials had buried in the history of European settlement in Clark County.
The Hot Springs-based Coakley Construction was in the process this morning of digging out a century-old sewer main at 12th and Pine streets when a backhoe operator felt a quake that jarred him from the seat of his machine.
Backhoe operator Chip Munk said he went temporarily blind when, all of a sudden, bright hues of green and orange emitted from the 10-foot hole he had dug. “The sound was deafening,” he added.
Clark County deputy sheriffs were dispatched immediately to the scene and had cordoned off a four-block radius, halting traffic along Pine Street as the secrets — buried long ago by some former school superintendent or city manager — spurted from the ground like a hot geyser.
The mess was soon contained, however, as the contractors were able to scoop the contents into county-owned dump trucks. School principals convened and agreed that the secrets could be hauled to the AHS football field and swept beneath the new artificial turf — out of sight, out of mind.

